I Have A Date Tonight, With My Bed. We Are Totally Gonna Sleep Together.

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Common Eider ( Female ) 

Where do vegetables go to get drunk?

The Salad Bar.

Interesting Fact: Eiders are colonial breeders. They nest on coastal islands in colonies ranging in size of less than 100 to upwards of 10,000-15,000 individuals.[13] Female eiders frequently exhibit a high degree of natal philopatry, where they return to breed on the same island where they were hatched. This can lead to a high degree of relatedness between individuals nesting on the same island, as well as the development of kin-based female social structures.[14] This relatedness has likely played a role in the evolution of co-operative breeding behaviours amongst eiders. Examples of these behaviours include laying eggs in the nests of related individuals[15] and crèching, where female eiders team up and share the work of rearing ducklings. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common_eider )

 

Don’t Be Jealous Of My Beak.

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Common Loon 

Why is sex like math?

You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying!

Interesting Fact: A hungry loon family can put away a lot of fish. Biologists estimate that loon parents and their 2 chicks can eat about a half-ton of fish over a 15-week period.  ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Common_Loon )

Why The Long Face?

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Common Eider 

What did one toilet say to the other toilet?

You look a bit flushed.

Interesting Facts: This species dives for crustaceans and molluscs, with mussels being a favoured food. The eider will eat mussels by swallowing them whole; the shells are then crushed in their gizzard and excreted. When eating a crab, the eider will remove all of its claws and legs, and then eat the body in a similar fashion. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common_eider )

I Have My Goldeneye On You!

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Common Goldeneye

Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

He felt crummy!

Interesting Fact: In winter and early spring, male Common Goldeneyes perform a complex series of courtship displays that includes up to 14 moves with names like “masthead,” “bowsprit,” and “head throw kick,” in which the male bends his head back to touch his rump, then thrusts forward and kicks up water with his feet. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Common_Goldeneye/