When You Stop Beliving In Santa You Get Underwear

Merry Christmas And Happy Holidays To All

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Why is Santa so jolly?

Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

Interesting Fact:  The first known electrically illuminated Christmas tree was the creation of Edward H. Johnson, an associate of inventor Thomas Edison. While he was vice president of the Edison Electric Light Company, a predecessor of today’s Con Edison electric utility, he had Christmas tree light bulbs especially made for him. He proudly displayed his Christmas tree, which was hand-wired with 80 red, white and blue electric incandescent light bulbs the size of walnuts, on December 22, 1882 at his home on Fifth Avenue in New York City. Local newspapers ignored the story, seeing it as a publicity stunt. However, it was published by a Detroit newspaper reporter, and Johnson has become widely regarded as the Father of Electric Christmas Tree Lights. By 1900, businesses started stringing up Christmas lights behind their windows.[14] Christmas lights were too expensive for the average person; as such, electric Christmas lights did not become the majority replacement for candles until 1930. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_lights#History )

People That Take Advice From Duck Are Downright Loony

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Common Loon ( Nonbreeding adult )

What computer sings the best?

A Dell.

Interesting Fact: Loons are agile swimmers, but they move pretty fast in the air, too. Migrating loons have been clocked flying at speeds more than 70 mph. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Common_Loon/lifehistory )

Eat Pasta Swim Fasta!

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Black Scoter Duck

Want to hear a construction joke?

Oh never mind, I’m still working on that one.

Interesting Fact: The lined nest is built on the ground close to the sea, lakes or rivers, in woodland or tundra. 5–7 eggs are laid. Each eggs weighs from 60–74 g (2.1–2.6 oz), or 8% of the females body weight. The incubation period may range from 27 to 31 days. Females brood their young extensively for about 3 weeks, after which the still flightless young must fend for themselves. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_scoter )

Be Like A Duck. Remain Calm On The Surface And Paddle Like Hell Underneath.

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Black Scoter

What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?

Oh sheet.

Interesting Facts: This species dives for crustaceans and molluscs while migrating or wintering on the sea-coasts, and feeds on insects and their larvae, especially caddisflies, fish eggs and, more rarely, vegetation such as duck weed while nesting on freshwater. It forms large flocks on suitable coastal waters in winter quarters. These are tightly packed, and the birds tend to take off together; in the breeding season they are less social. It has been suggested that in coastal waters this species prefers sheltered embayments, and possibly waters that include some mixed depths. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_scoter )

 

 

Don’t Be Jealous Of My Beak.

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Common Loon 

Why is sex like math?

You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying!

Interesting Fact: A hungry loon family can put away a lot of fish. Biologists estimate that loon parents and their 2 chicks can eat about a half-ton of fish over a 15-week period.  ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Common_Loon )

I Feel Loonly.

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Common Loon ( Nonbreeding adult )

What did the chicken say when it got to the library?

“Book book book book book book book…”

Interesting Fact: Migrating Common Loons occasionally land on wet highways or parking lots, mistaking them for rivers and lakes. They become stranded without a considerable amount of open water for a long takeoff. A loon may also get stranded on a pond that is too small. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Common_Loon/ )

I Don’t Have To Take This… I’m Going Home.

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Black Scoter

Why did the tiny ghost join the football team?

He heard they needed a little team spirit.

Interesting Fact: A coastal duck that breeds in the subarctic, the Black Scoter is not well studied in North America. Only a few nests have ever been found. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Black_Scoter )

 

 

I Like To Be Alone But I Hate Being Lonely

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Common Goldeneye

What did the salad say when the cabbage interrupted their meal?

Lettuce alone!

Interesting Fact: The eyes of a Common Goldeneye are gray-brown at hatching. They turn purple-blue, then blue, then green-blue as they age. By five months of age they have become clear pale green-yellow. The eyes will be bright yellow in adult males and pale yellow to white in females. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Common_Goldeneye )

 

You Wanna Fly You Got To Give Up The Shit That Weighs You Down.

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Double-crested Cormorant 

How does NASA organize a party?

They planet

Interesting Fact: The male chooses the nest site and then attracts a female. Nests can be on the ground, on rocks or reefs with no vegetation, or atop trees, which may be alive when a cormorant colony first forms but typically die after a few years from the guano build-up. Nests are built in the center of a colony first, then expand outward. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Double-crested_Cormorant/lifehistory )

I’m A Biter!

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Common Loon ( Nonbreeding adult )

Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?

Because she was stuffed.

Interesting Fact: Loons shoot through the water like a torpedo, propelled by powerful thrusts of feet located near the rear of their body. When their quarry changes direction, loons can execute an abrupt flip-turn that would make Olympic swimmers jealous: they extend one foot laterally as a pivot brake and kick with the opposite foot to turn 180 degrees in a fraction of a second. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Common_Loon/lifehistory )