This Is Really Hard To Swallow

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Barn Swallow

Why did the computer break up with the internet?

There was no “Connection”.

Interesting Fact: Long-distance migrant. Barn Swallows fly from North American breeding grounds to wintering areas in Central and South America. Southbound fall migration may begin by late June in Florida or early July in Massachusetts. They return as early as late January in southern California to mid-May at Alaskan breeding sites. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Barn_Swallow/lifehistory )

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I’m Super Fly!

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Northern Harrier

What did one toilet roll say to the other toilet roll? 

“People keep on ripping me off!”

Interesting Fact: Male Northern Harriers can have as many as five mates at once, though most have only one or two. The male provides most of the food for his mates and their offspring, while the females incubate the eggs and brood the chicks. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Northern_Harrier/overview )

 

Great Ideas Need Landing Gear As Well As Wings.

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Great Blue Heron

Why did the chicken disappoint his mother.

He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be!

Interesting Fact: Great Blue Herons eat nearly anything within striking distance, including fish, amphibians, reptiles, small mammals, insects, and other birds. They grab smaller prey in their strong mandibles or use their dagger-like bills to impale larger fish, often shaking them to break or relax the sharp spines before gulping them down. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Great_Blue_Heron/lifehistory )

Empty Nest? Celebrate it! You Are Now Free As A Bird!

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Great Blue Heron

Why did the policeman smell bad?

He was on duty.

Interesting Fact: Great Blue Herons nest mainly in trees, but will also nest on the ground, on bushes, in mangroves, and on structures such as duck blinds, channel markers, or artificial nest platforms. Males arrive at the colony and settle on nest sites; from there, they court passing females. Colonies can consist of 500 or more individual nests, with multiple nests per tree built 100 or more feet off the ground. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Great_Blue_Heron/lifehistory )

You Wanna Fly You Got To Give Up The Shit That Weighs You Down.

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Double-crested Cormorant 

How does NASA organize a party?

They planet

Interesting Fact: The male chooses the nest site and then attracts a female. Nests can be on the ground, on rocks or reefs with no vegetation, or atop trees, which may be alive when a cormorant colony first forms but typically die after a few years from the guano build-up. Nests are built in the center of a colony first, then expand outward. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Double-crested_Cormorant/lifehistory )

That Hawkward Moment!

F/7.1, 1/200, ISO 400.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, “Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants.”

The pirate says, “Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts.”

Interesting Fact: ed-tailed Hawks typically put their nests in the crowns of tall trees where they have a commanding view of the landscape. They may also nest on a cliff ledge or on artificial structures such as window ledges and billboard platforms. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Red-tailed_Hawk/lifehistory )

GERONIMO!

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Great Blue Heron

A magician was performing on cruise ship and each night while performing his pet parrot keeps saying:

“its up his sleeve”

” its in his pocket”.

“its in his shoe”.

“in his pants”.

Etc. and the magician was loosing his patience. one night while performing his tricks the ships boilers blew and the ship sank, the lucky magician was able to grab onto a ships table and float on the sea for a few days. the parrot in the mean time seemed non plussed and was looking quizzically at the magician for a few days whilst drifting. On the 4th day the parrots looks at his master and says:

“I give up… what did you do with the ship?”

Interesting Fact: Great Blue Herons have specialized feathers on their chest that continually grow and fray. The herons comb this “powder down” with a fringed claw on their middle toes, using the down like a washcloth to remove fish slime and other oils from their feathers as they preen. Applying the powder to their underparts protects their feathers against the slime and oils of swamps. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Great_Blue_Heron/lifehistory )

You Just Been Mooned, Now Go Moon Someone Else!

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Lockheed Martin C-130J Super Hercules

Why wasn’t the moon hungry?

Because it was full!

Interesting Fact: The moon rotates at 10 miles per hour compared to the earth’s rotation of 1000 miles per hour. ( http://www.moonconnection.com/moon_facts.phtml )

 

Hold It Until We Find A Clean Car!

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Brown Pelican

How do you make holy water?

Boil the hell out of it!

Interesting Fact: Though they have an awkward gait on land, Brown Pelicans are strong swimmers and masterful fliers. They fly to and from their fishing grounds in V-formations or lines just above the water’s surface. They and the closely related Peruvian Pelican are the only pelican species to perform spectacular head-first dives (typically ending in a huge splash visible from far away) to trap fish.  ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Brown_Pelican/lifehistory )

Are You Tailing Me Because That Would Be Super!

northern-pintail-duck-1

F/6.3, 1/500, ISO 250.

Northern Pintail Duck

What do you call someone without a nose or a body?

Nobodynose.

Interesting Fact: The oldest recorded Northern Pintail was a male and at least 22 years, 3 months old when he was found in Saskatchewan, Canada. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Northern_Pintail/lifehistory )