Don’t You Flap Your Wings At Me!

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Hooded Merganser

In School

Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Bob: “Seven.”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Bob: “Seven.”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Bob: “Six.”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Bob: “Seven!”
Teacher: “Bob, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Bob: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”

Interesting Fact:  The Hooded Merganser is the second-smallest of the six living species of mergansers (only the Smew of Eurasia is smaller) and is the only one restricted to North America. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Hooded_Merganser/lifehistory )

CANNONBALL!!!!!!

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Common Merganser

What did the pencil say to the other pencil?

your looking sharp.

Interesting Fact: Common Mergansers spend the breeding season in northern forested habitats near large lakes and rivers. Since they nest in cavities of large trees, breeding Common Mergansers are usually found in mature forests. They spend winters on large lakes, rivers, and reservoirs in the southern and coastal regions of their breeding range, and in additional wintering grounds across the northern and western United States. They tend to prefer freshwater wintering habitat over saltwater, but they may winter in coastal bays, estuaries, and harbors. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Common_Merganser/lifehistory )

Life Is So Much Easier When You Just Chill Out.

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Carolina Wren

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.”

“Very good, Suzie,” replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. “My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully,” he said.

“Excellent, Michael!”

Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny. “Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, ‘Beautiful, …just #$&#*&^# beautiful!

Interesting Fact: One captive male Carolina Wren sang nearly 3,000 times in a single day. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Carolina_Wren/lifehistory )

We Go Together Like Copy And Paste.

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Common Mergansers

Why can’t you trust an atom?

They make up everything.

Interesting Fact: The female chooses the nest site, which is usually in a natural cavity or woodpecker hole in a live or dead tree, up to 100 feet off the ground and within a mile of water. Common Mergansers nest less frequently in rock crevices, old sheds, chimneys, lighthouses, holes in banks, holes in the ground, hollow logs, and burrows. ( Common Merganser Life History, All About Birds, Cornell Lab of Ornithology)

 

 

Splash Down!

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Common Merganser 

Why was the math book so sad?

It had a lot of problems.

Interesting Fact: Common Mergansers spend much of their time afloat, loafing, fishing, and often sleeping on open water. They may form flocks of up to 75 individuals. They often swim in small groups along the shoreline, dipping their heads underwater to search for prey and then diving with a slight leap. Often when one bird dives in a large group, the others follow the leader and disappear. ( Common Merganser Life History, All About Birds, Cornell Lab of Ornithology )

 

 

CAUTION! Headbanging In Progress!

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Pileated Woodpecker 

What does a house wear?

Address.

Interesting Fact: Pileated Woodpeckers forage in large, dead wood—standing dead trees, stumps, or logs lying on the forest floor. They make impressive rectangular excavations that can be a foot or more long and go deep inside the wood. These holes pursue the tunnels of carpenter ants, the woodpecker’s primary food. ( Pileated Woodpecker Life History, All About Birds, Cornell Lab of Ornithology )

I Swear, I Am One Cocktail Away From Telling Everyone What I Really Think!

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Least Sandpiper

A Sandwich walks into a bar.

The bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve food here”

Interesting Fact: Researchers studying Least Sandpipers discovered a new feeding mechanism. While probing damp mud with their bills, the sandpipers use the surface tension of the water to transport prey quickly from their bill tips to their mouths. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Least_Sandpiper/ )

The Darkness That Surrounds Us Cannot Hurt Us. It Is The Darkness In Your Own Heart You Should Fear.

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Mute Swan

Why did The Joker have to sleep with his lights on?

Because he was afraid of the Dark Knight.

Interesting Fact: Short legs placed well back on the body give Mute Swans an awkward walking gait, but the birds can run quickly if pursued and can take off from land and water, flying with head and neck extended. On the water they sometimes hold their wings slightly raised and “sail” with the wind. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Mute_Swan/lifehistory )

I Might Be Too Punk Rock For You.

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Pileated Woodpecker 

When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you’re a mouse.

Interesting Fact: When hammering into this soft wood, Pileated Woodpeckers use their long necks to pull far back from the tree, then make powerful strikes with their heavy bills, pulling with their feet to increase the strength of the blow. The sound is often audible as a heavy thunk, and large chips of wood collect on the ground below. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Pileated_Woodpecker/lifehistory )

You Wanna To Go Bro!

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Northern Flickers 

Who do you call when a giant fly attacks the city?

The SWAT team.

Interesting Fact: Nests are generally placed 6-15 feet off the ground, but on rare occasions can be over 100 feet high. Northern Flickers have been known to nest in old burrows of Belted Kingfishers or Bank Swallows. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Northern_Flicker/lifehistory )