I Swear, I Am One Cocktail Away From Telling Everyone What I Really Think!

F/8.0, 1/250, ISO 160.

Least Sandpiper

A Sandwich walks into a bar.

The bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve food here”

Interesting Fact: Researchers studying Least Sandpipers discovered a new feeding mechanism. While probing damp mud with their bills, the sandpipers use the surface tension of the water to transport prey quickly from their bill tips to their mouths. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Least_Sandpiper/ )

The Darkness That Surrounds Us Cannot Hurt Us. It Is The Darkness In Your Own Heart You Should Fear.

F/9.0, 1/320, ISO 320.

Mute Swan

Why did The Joker have to sleep with his lights on?

Because he was afraid of the Dark Knight.

Interesting Fact: Short legs placed well back on the body give Mute Swans an awkward walking gait, but the birds can run quickly if pursued and can take off from land and water, flying with head and neck extended. On the water they sometimes hold their wings slightly raised and “sail” with the wind. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Mute_Swan/lifehistory )

I Might Be Too Punk Rock For You.

F/ 7.1, 1/200, ISO 1600.

Pileated Woodpecker 

When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you’re a mouse.

Interesting Fact: When hammering into this soft wood, Pileated Woodpeckers use their long necks to pull far back from the tree, then make powerful strikes with their heavy bills, pulling with their feet to increase the strength of the blow. The sound is often audible as a heavy thunk, and large chips of wood collect on the ground below. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Pileated_Woodpecker/lifehistory )

You Wanna To Go Bro!

F/7.1, 1/200, ISO 400.

Northern Flickers 

Who do you call when a giant fly attacks the city?

The SWAT team.

Interesting Fact: Nests are generally placed 6-15 feet off the ground, but on rare occasions can be over 100 feet high. Northern Flickers have been known to nest in old burrows of Belted Kingfishers or Bank Swallows. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Northern_Flicker/lifehistory )

 

 

Let Me Play In The Mud!

F/7.1, 1/200, ISO 160.

Semipalmated Sandpiper

What is the difference between erotic and kinky?

Erotic is using a feather… kinky is using the whole chicken.

Interesting Fact: Their breeding habitat is the southern tundra in Canada and Alaska near water. They nest on the ground. The male makes several shallow scrapes; the female chooses one and adds grass and other material to line the nest. The female lays 4 eggs; the male assists in incubation. After a few days, the female leaves the young with the male; the young feed themselves. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Semipalmated_sandpiper )

 

Only The Bold Get To The Top.

F/8.0, 1/250, ISO 320.

Red-Eared Slider Turtles

Why did the nurse go to art school?

To learn how to draw blood!

Interesting Fact: Red-eared sliders are almost entirely aquatic, but as they are cold-blooded, they leave the water to sunbathe to regulate their temperature. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red-eared_slider )

 

 

 

I Have Been Thinking To Buy A Drill.

F/8.0, 1/250, ISO 500.

Northern Flicker 

What is a mattress’ favorite season?

Spring.

Interesting Fact: Northern Flickers usually excavate nest holes in dead or diseased tree trunks or large branches. In northern North America look for nests in trembling aspens, which are susceptible to a heartrot that makes for easy excavation. Unlike many woodpeckers, flickers often reuse cavities that they or another species excavated in a previous year. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Northern_Flicker/lifehistory )

 

 

HEY GIRL! NO, I Meant ” HAY GIRL”. That Is Your Job, Right?

F/5.6, 1/200, ISO 100.

HORSE

Which state has the smallest drinks?

Mini-soda.

Interesting Fact: Horses are prey animals with a strong fight-or-flight response. Their first reaction to a threat is to startle and usually flee, although they will stand their ground and defend themselves when flight is impossible or if their young are threatened.[88] They also tend to be curious; when startled, they will often hesitate an instant to ascertain the cause of their fright, and may not always flee from something that they perceive as non-threatening. Most light horse riding breeds were developed for speed, agility, alertness and endurance; natural qualities that extend from their wild ancestors. However, through selective breeding, some breeds of horses are quite docile, particularly certain draft horses. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse )

 

 

Shh… I’m Hiding From Negative People.

F/8.0, 1/250, ISO 320.

Northern Flicker 

What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book?

I’ve already got a lot of problems, and I don’t need any of your drama.

Interesting Fact: Although it can climb up the trunks of trees and hammer on wood like other woodpeckers, the Northern Flicker prefers to find food on the ground. Ants are its main food, and the flicker digs in the dirt to find them. It uses its long barbed tongue to lap up the ants. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Northern_Flicker/ )

 

 

What The Fox!

F/6.3, 1/30, ISO 500.

Red Fox 

What do you call a drunk shark?

Hammered Head

Interesting Fact: Red foxes are usually together in pairs or small groups consisting of families, such as a mated pair and their young, or a male with several females having kinship ties. The young of the mated pair remain with their parents to assist in caring for new kits.[8] The species primarily feeds on small rodents, though it may also target rabbitsgame birdsreptilesinvertebrates[6] and young ungulates.[6] Fruit and vegetable matter is also eaten sometimes.[9] Although the red fox tends to kill smaller predators, including other fox species, it is vulnerable to attack from larger predators, such as wolvescoyotesgolden jackals and medium- and large-sized felines. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_fox )