Life Is So Much Easier When You Just Chill Out.

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Carolina Wren

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.”

“Very good, Suzie,” replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. “My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully,” he said.

“Excellent, Michael!”

Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny. “Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, ‘Beautiful, …just #$&#*&^# beautiful!

Interesting Fact: One captive male Carolina Wren sang nearly 3,000 times in a single day. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Carolina_Wren/lifehistory )

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I Am As Low As Your Lowrider!

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Carolina Wren 

How do you drown a Hipster?

In the mainstream.

Interesting Fact: They are known to build multiple nests to confuse predators. ( http://identify.whatbird.com/obj/677/overview/Carolina_Wren.aspx )

 

Away With You…. PHEASANT.

ring-necked-pheasant

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Ring-Necked Pheasant

A pheasant says to a bull, “I would love to get on top of that tree, but I haven’t the energy.”

“Well,” says the bull, “why don’t you eat some of my dung? It’s packed with nutrients.”

So the pheasant eats some dung and finds that it gives him enough energy to get to the first branch. The next day, he eats some more and gets to the next branch. This cycle continues for a week. Finally, the pheasant is at the top of the tree, where he is spotted by the farmer, who shoots him with a shotgun.

Moral of the Story: bullsh*t might take you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

Interesting Fact: While the birds normally don’t cover more than about 600 feet at a time, strong winds can extend their flights considerably. Observers in 1941 reported seeing a pheasant fly a record four miles while crossing a body of water. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Ring-necked_Pheasant/lifehistory )

Swim At Your Own Risk

mute-swan-swimming

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Mute Swan

Why did the teacher jump into the water?

She wanted to test the water!

Interesting Fact: The black knob at the base of the male Mute Swan’s bill swells during the breeding season and becomes noticeably larger than the female’s. The rest of the year the difference between the sexes is not obvious.  ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Mute_Swan/lifehistory )

Today I Will Be Happier Than A Bird With A French Fry!

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Carolina Wren

What did one plate say to the other?

Dinners on me.

Interesting Fact: Carolina Wrens nest in open cavities 3–6 feet off the ground, in trees, overhangs and stumps. The first nest is sometimes built on vegetation-shaded ground. Near homes, they’re versatile nesters, making use of discarded flowerpots, mailboxes, propane-tank covers, and a variety of other items. Their nests have even been found in old coat pockets and boots. Males often build multiple nests before the pair makes a final selection. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Carolina_Wren/lifehistory )

Double Trouble!

Mute Swan

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Mute Swan 

What did the nose say to the finger?

Stop picking on me. 

Interesting Fact: The Mute Swan is reported to mate for life. However, changing of mates does occur infrequently, and swans will remate if their partner dies. If a male loses his mate and pairs with a young female, she joins him on his territory. If he mates with an older female, they go to hers. If a female loses her mate, she remates quickly and usually chooses a younger male.  ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Mute_Swan/lifehistory )

Here I Am Rock You Like A Hurricane!

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Carolina Wren

What did one autumn leaf say to the other?

I’m falling for you.

Interesting Fact: They climb up vines, trunks, and branches, poking into squirrel nests and probing nooks and crannies in search of insects. Carolina Wrens use their curved bills to turn over decaying vegetation and to hammer and shake apart large bugs. They roost in bird boxes, abandoned hornet nests, hanging plants, garages, barns, old nests, and other shelters. A weak flyer, this wren makes brief, quick aerial forays over short distances. Pairs stay bonded year-round, with no vacation from singing or defending territory. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Carolina_Wren/lifehistory )

I Don’t Like Green Eggs And Ham! I Do Not Like Them, Sam I Am!

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Mute Swans

How do you organize an outer space party?

You planet.

Interesting Fact: The Mute Swan is reported to mate for life. However, changing of mates does occur infrequently, and swans will remate if their partner dies. If a male loses his mate and pairs with a young female, she joins him on his territory. If he mates with an older female, they go to hers. If a female loses her mate, she remates quickly and usually chooses a younger male.  ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Mute_Swan/lifehistory )

Get Your Green On!

Happy St Patrick’s Day!

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Monk Parakeets

Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers?

Because you don’t want to press your luck.

Interesting Fact: Monk Parakeets kept in captivity can learn to mimic human speech. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Monk_Parakeet/lifehistory )

Interesting Fact: Saint Patrick’s Day, or the Feast of Saint Patrick(Irish: Lá Fhéile Pádraig, “the Day of the Festival of Patrick”), is a cultural and religious celebration held on 17 March, the traditional death date of Saint Patrick (c. AD 385–461), the foremost patron saint of Ireland. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Patrick%27s_Day )

When you are with the right person, every day is Valentine’s Day!

Happy Valentines Day

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Mute Swan

What’s the best part about Valentines Day?

The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.

Interesting Fact:  The Mute Swan is reported to mate for life. However, changing of mates does occur infrequently, and swans will remate if their partner dies. If a male loses his mate and pairs with a young female, she joins him on his territory. If he mates with an older female, they go to hers. If a female loses her mate, she remates quickly and usually chooses a younger male.  ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Mute_Swan/lifehistory )