I See You Watching Me!

brown-thrasher

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Brown Thrasher

A bird was flying south for Winter, but he had left it too late and was frozen solid in a storm. He dropped down into a pasture of cows. The biggest, fattest cow was doing a crap there, and the bird landed in it.

At first he was disgusted, until he realised the poo was thawing him out! He started crying out for joy as the ice melted. A cat that was nearby heard the cries, walked over, saw the bird and ate it

There are three morals to this story:

1. Not everyone who gets you into sh*t is your enemy

2. Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend

3. If you are in s#!t, keep your mouth shut

Interesting Fact: Brown Thrashers are accomplished songsters that may sing more than 1,100 different song types and include imitations of other birds, including Chuck-will’s-widows, Wood Thrushes, and Northern Flickers. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Brown_Thrasher/lifehistory )

Will You Be My Valentine?!

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Mute Swan

What do you call a funny chicken?

A comedi-hen

Interesting Fact: Mute Swans form long-lasting pair bonds. Their reputation for monogamy along with their elegant white plumage has helped establish them as a symbol of love in many cultures. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Mute_Swan/lifehistory )

Bonus Valentine Facts:  Feb. 14 was officially designated St. Valentine’s Day in 1537 by King Henry VII of England. ( http://www.ibtimes.com/valentines-day-facts-history-fun-ideas-free-burritos-singles-awareness-other-things-1813226 )

Fly Above The Negativity!

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Great Blue Heron 

Why was Frosty told to leave the grocery store?

Because he was caught picking his nose in the produce isle.

Interesting Fact: Despite their impressive size, Great Blue Herons weigh only 5 to 6 pounds thanks in part to their hollow bones—a feature all birds share.  ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Great_Blue_Heron/overview )

 

I Came In Like A Wrecking Ball!

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Black capped Chickadee 

Can your mother predict the future with cards?

Yes! She takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home.

Interesting Fact: Chickadees are active, acrobatic, curious, social birds that live in flocks, often associating with woodpeckers, nuthatches, warblers, vireos, and other small woodland species. They feed on insects and seeds, but seldom perch within several feet of one another while taking food or eating. Flocks have many calls with specific meanings, and they may contain some of the characteristics of human language. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Black-capped_Chickadee/lifehistory )

Looking For Food In All The Wrong Places

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Northern Cardinal

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate,” Bring me my red shirt! “The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever bellowed, ” Bring me my red shirt!” And once again the battle was on. However, the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day’s occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked,’ Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle? “The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted,’ If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid.’ The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed,” Bring me my brown pants!”

Interesting Fact: Look for Northern Cardinals in dense shrubby areas such as forest edges, overgrown fields, hedgerows, backyards, marshy thickets, mesquite, regrowing forest, and ornamental landscaping. Cardinals nest in dense foliage and look for conspicuous, fairly high perches for singing. Growth of towns and suburbs across eastern North America has helped the cardinal expand its range northward. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Northern_Cardinal/lifehistory )

They Call Us The Brown Bombers!

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Canvasback

How does NASA organize a birthday party?

They planet!

Interesting Fact: Canvasbacks are diving ducks at home in the water, seldom going ashore to dry land. They sleep on the water with their bill tucked under the wing, and they nest on floating mats of vegetation. To get airborne Canvasbacks need a running start, but once in the air they are strong and fast fliers, clocking airspeeds of up to 56 miles per hour. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Canvasback/lifehistory )

 

 

Don’t Play Dead With A Vulture. That’s Exactly What They Want.

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Turkey Vulture

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.

When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. “Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?” she asked.

“No, thanks,” replied the vultures. “They’re carrion.”

Interesting Fact: Turkey Vultures, like other carrion birds, are protected from disease associated with decaying animals by a very sophisticated immune system. ( http://identify.whatbird.com/mwg/_/0/identify.whatbird.com/obj/117/overview/Turkey_Vulture.aspx )

Keep On Duckin!

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Hooded Mergansers

How do you get a frog off the back window of your car?

Use the rear defrogger.

Interesting Fact: Hooded Mergansers are usually in pairs or small groups of up to 40 birds. They court in groups of one or more females and several males. The males raise their crests, expanding the white patch, often while shaking their heads. Their most elaborate display is head-throwing, in which they jerk their heads backwards to touch their backs, with crests raised, while giving a froglike croak. Females court by bobbing their heads and giving a hoarse gack.  ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Hooded_Merganser/lifehistory )

All Good Things Are Wild And Free

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White-Tailed Deer

What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts cost a buck twenty-five. Deer nuts are under a buck!

Interesting Fact: The male white tailed deer, buck, normally weighs about 130-300 pounds. The female, doe, weighs about 90-200 pounds. The average height is 3 feet. ( http://www.brighthub.com/environment/science-environmental/articles/48142.aspx )

 

Kinda Classy Kinda Hood

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Hooded Merganser ( Female )

When is a door sweet and tasty?

When it’s jammed!

Interesting Fact: Unlike dabbling ducks, Hooded Mergansers swim low in the water. Their legs are far back on their bodies, which helps in diving but makes them awkward on land. They take flight by running across the water, flying with fast wingbeats and never gliding until they are about to land (by skidding to a stop on the water). ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Hooded_Merganser/lifehistory )