F/11.0, 1/500, ISO 250.
Barn Swallow
Husband and Wife are having a conversation.
Wife: How many women have u slept with?
Husband: Only you darling, I was awake with the other women.
Interesting Fact: The Barn Swallow is the most abundant and widely distributed swallow species in the world. It breeds throughout the Northern Hemisphere and winters in much of the Southern Hemisphere. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Barn_Swallow/lifehistory )
F/5.6, 1/160, ISO 100.
Mallard Female with Ducklings
Who earns a living driving their customers away?
A taxi driver.
Interesting Fact: The female forms a shallow depression or bowl on the ground in moist earth. She does not carry material to the nest but rather pulls vegetation she can reach toward her while sitting on nest. During egg-laying phase, she lines the nest with grasses, leaves, and twigs from nearby. She also pulls tall vegetation over to conceal herself and her nest. After incubation begins, she plucks down feathers from her breast to line the nest and cover her eggs. The finished nest is about a foot across, with a bowl for the eggs that is 1–6 inches deep and 6–9 inches across. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Mallard/lifehistory )
F/7.1, 1/200, ISO 320.
Hispaniolan Woodpecker
Why was the computer tired when he got home?
Because he had a hard drive.
Interesting Fact: This bird is endemic to Haiti and the Dominican Republic, its range extending from the coasts, over the deserts to the mountains in the centre of the island. It is mostly a woodland bird, found in both wet and dry, broadleaved and coniferous forests, but also occurs in mosaic forests, plantations, cactus scrub, mangrove areas, swamps, grassland, palm groves, wooded agricultural areas and urban parks. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hispaniolan_woodpecker )
F/9.0, 1/320, ISO 200.
American Flamingo
What’s the opposite of a flamingo?
A flamin-stop.
Interesting Fact: At the beginning of the nesting season, they perform mass courtship displays, where hundreds move together in a coordinated walk. ( http://identify.whatbird.com/obj/940/overview/American_Flamingo.aspx )
F/8.0, 1/250, ISO 250.
Marsh Wren
Have you ever tried eating a clock?
It’s very time consuming.
Interesting Fact: Eastern and western populations of the Marsh Wren show slight differences in appearance, but large differences in song. In general, western birds are paler and drabber, and sing less musical songs. The differences may mean that the two forms are separate species. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Marsh_Wren/lifehistory )
F/8.0, 1/200, ISO 400.
Northern Flicker
Why is it so hot in a stadium after a football game?
Because all the fans have left.
Interesting Fact: The Northern Flicker is one of the few North American woodpeckers that is strongly migratory. Flickers in the northern parts of their range move south for the winter, although a few individuals often stay rather far north. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Northern_Flicker/lifehistory )
F/10.0, 1/400, ISO 320, Photoshop CS6.
Mute Swan
A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, “1 enemy ship on the horizont.”
The captain says, “Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die.”
So the watchman comes to him and asks, “Why did you want your red shirt?”
The captain says, “Because if i get injured they won’t see and keep on fighting.”
So the watchman comes to him again and says, “20 enemy ships on the horizont.”
The captain says, “Bring me my brown pants.”
Interesting Fact: Mute Swans can adapt to degraded habitat and actually benefit from the spread of the invasive common reed Phragmites australis, which flourishes in disturbed sites. As the reeds spread into lakes and ponds, the swans can build nests farther offshore in the reed beds, where they’re safer from egg predators. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Mute_Swan/lifehistory )
F/9.0, 1/320, ISO 100.
Brown Pelicans
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
Interesting Fact: The closely related Peruvian Pelican lives along the Pacific Coast of South America from southern Ecuador to Chile. It’s a little larger than a Brown Pelican, with fine white streaking on its underparts and a blue pouch in the breeding season. These two species are the only pelicans that plunge-dive for their food. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Brown_Pelican/lifehistory )
F/6.3, 1/160, ISO 400.
Great Blue Heron
A neutron walks into a bar and says,
“I’d like a beer. How much will that be?”
The bartender responds,
“For you? No charge!”
Interesting Fact: Great Blue Herons congregate at fish hatcheries, creating potential problems for the fish farmers. A study found that herons ate mostly diseased fish that would have died shortly anyway. Sick fish spent more time near the surface of the water where they were more vulnerable to the herons. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Great_Blue_Heron/lifehistory )
F/10.0, 1/400, ISO 160.
Red-tailed Hawk
What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
I think I’m coming down with something!
Interesting Fact: Mammals make up the bulk of most Red-tailed Hawk meals. Frequent victims include voles, mice, wood rats, rabbits, snowshoe hares, jackrabbits, and ground squirrels. The hawks also eat birds, including pheasants, bobwhite, starlings, and blackbirds; as well as snakes and carrion. Individual prey items can weigh anywhere from less than an ounce to more than 5 pounds. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Red-tailed_Hawk/lifehistory )
Through Open Lens 