Duck You Sucker

F/8.0, 1/250, ISO 200.

Wood Duck

A really big drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her.

She jumped up and slapped him silly.

He immediately apologized and explained, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.”

“Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!” she screamed.

“Funny,” he muttered, “you even sound exactly like her.”

Interesting Fact: Wood Ducks seem to fare best when open water alternates with 50–75% vegetative cover that the ducks can hide and forage in. This cover can consist of downed trees, shrubs such as alder, willow, and buttonbush, as well as emergent herbaceous plants such as arrowhead and smartweeds. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Wood_Duck/lifehistory )

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I’m So High!

F/6.3, 1/2500, ISO 320.

Red-tailed Hawk

One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen.

“What’s wrong, dearest?” asked the confused husband.

“Oh darling,” sobbed the wife,

“I was cleaning little Jen’s room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very erotic porn magazine! What ever are we going to do?”

“Well,” replied the man, “I guess a spanking is out of the question?”

Interesting Fact: The oldest known wild Red-tailed Hawk was at least 30 years, 8 months old when it was found in Michigan in 2011, the same state where it had been banded in 1981. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Red-tailed_Hawk/overview )

I Patrol The Sky And I Am Super High!

F/11.0, 1/500, ISO 320.

Peregrine Falcon

A Jen caught her husband Bob on the weight scale, sucking in his stomach.

Jen: “That won’t help you, Bob, you know?”

Bob: “Oh it helps a lot,” says the man, “it’s the only way I can see the numbers!”

Interesting Fact: People have trained falcons for hunting for over a thousand years, and the Peregrine Falcon was always one of the most prized birds. Efforts to breed the Peregrine in captivity and reestablish populations depleted during the DDT years were greatly assisted by the existence of methods of handling captive falcons developed by falconers. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Peregrine_Falcon/lifehistory )

Never Bend Your Head. Always Hold It High. Look The World Straight In The Eye.

F/10.0, 1/400, ISO 320.

Curve-billed Thrasher

A wife says, “Hey! Look at that funny guy whose been drinking a lot.”

The husband responds, “Who is he?”

The wife answers, “Well, five years ago, he was my boyfriend and I denied him for marriage.”

The husband says, “Oh my God! He’s still celebrating his freedom!”

Interesting Fact: The Curve-billed Thrasher that lives in the Sonoran Desert of Arizona and northwestern Mexico looks different than the form that lives in the Chihuahuan Desert of Texas and central Mexico, and they may be separate species. The Texas and eastern bird has a lighter breast, more contrasting spots, pale wingbars, and white tail corners. The more western form has a grayer breast with less obvious spots, inconspicuous wingbars, and smaller, more grayish tail corners. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Curve-billed_Thrasher/lifehistory )

Shouting Out The Wrong Part Of The Song With Confidence!

F/7.1, 1/200, ISO 320.

Ovenbird

A wife told her husband to whisper dirty things to her, the husband then replies,

“The kitchen, the living room, the conservatory and the dining room.”

Interesting Fact: On its breeding ground, the Ovenbird divides up the forest environment with the other warblers of the forest floor. The Ovenbird uses the uplands and moderately sloped areas, the Worm-eating Warbler uses the steep slopes, and the Louisiana Waterthrush and the Kentucky Warbler use the low-lying areas. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Ovenbird/lifehistory )

Don’t You Think We Should Go Wireless?!

F/11.0, 1/500, ISO 250.

Barn Swallow

Husband and Wife are having a conversation.

Wife: How many women have u slept with?

Husband: Only you darling, I was awake with the other women.

Interesting Fact: The Barn Swallow is the most abundant and widely distributed swallow species in the world. It breeds throughout the Northern Hemisphere and winters in much of the Southern Hemisphere. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Barn_Swallow/lifehistory )

 

 

I Don’t Need Therapy, I Need A Hug!

F/9.0, 1/320, ISO 100.

Double-crested Cormorant

Tom had asked Fred to help him out with the deck after work, so Fred went straight over to Tom’s place. When they got to the door, Tom went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work.
When it was time for dinner, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her. Once they were working on the deck, Fred told Tom that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Tom said that he’d started this about 6 months ago, it had revived their marriage and things couldn’t be better.
Fred thought he’d give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears. Fred was confused and asked why she was crying.
She said, “This is the worst day of my life. First, little Bobby fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!”

Interesting Fact: The double-crest of the Double-crested Cormorant is only visible on adults during breeding season. The crests are white in cormorants from Alaska, and black in other regions.  ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Double-crested_Cormorant/lifehistory )