I Have A Date Tonight, With My Bed. We Are Totally Gonna Sleep Together.

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Common Eider ( Female ) 

Where do vegetables go to get drunk?

The Salad Bar.

Interesting Fact: Eiders are colonial breeders. They nest on coastal islands in colonies ranging in size of less than 100 to upwards of 10,000-15,000 individuals.[13] Female eiders frequently exhibit a high degree of natal philopatry, where they return to breed on the same island where they were hatched. This can lead to a high degree of relatedness between individuals nesting on the same island, as well as the development of kin-based female social structures.[14] This relatedness has likely played a role in the evolution of co-operative breeding behaviours amongst eiders. Examples of these behaviours include laying eggs in the nests of related individuals[15] and crèching, where female eiders team up and share the work of rearing ducklings. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common_eider )

 

Duck You Sucker

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Wood Duck

A really big drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her.

She jumped up and slapped him silly.

He immediately apologized and explained, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.”

“Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!” she screamed.

“Funny,” he muttered, “you even sound exactly like her.”

Interesting Fact: Wood Ducks seem to fare best when open water alternates with 50–75% vegetative cover that the ducks can hide and forage in. This cover can consist of downed trees, shrubs such as alder, willow, and buttonbush, as well as emergent herbaceous plants such as arrowhead and smartweeds. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Wood_Duck/lifehistory )

If Opportunity Doesn’t Knock Build A Door

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Hairy Woodpecker

A drunk appears in front of a judge.

The judge says, “You’ve been brought here for drinking.”

The drunk says, “Okay, let’s get started!”

Interesting Fact: Across North America the Hairy Woodpecker can be found from sea level to high in the mountains. In Central America, it is restricted to higher mountain forests. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Hairy_Woodpecker/lifehistory )