Patience, Young Grasshopper.

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Grasshopper

Why don’t some doctors like being on hold?

They don’t have a lot of patients.

Interesting Fact: A large grasshopper, such as a locust, can jump about a metre (twenty body lengths) without using its wings; the acceleration peaks at about 20 g.[26] Grasshoppers jump by extending their large back legs and pushing against the substrate (the ground, a twig, a blade of grass or whatever else they are standing on); the reaction force propels them into the air.[27] They jump for several reasons; to escape from a predator, to launch themselves into flight, or simply to move from place to place. For the escape jump in particular there is strong selective pressure to maximize take-off velocity, since this determines the range. This means that the legs must thrust against the ground with both high force and a high velocity of movement. A fundamental property of muscle is that it cannot contract with high force and high velocity at the same time. Grasshoppers overcome this by using a catapult mechanism to amplify the mechanical power produced by their muscles. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grasshopper )

 

 

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Follow The Bunny He Has The Chocolate!

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Desert Cottontail Rabbit

How do you make a bandstand?

Take away their chairs!

Interesting Fact: Habitat loss due to land clearing and cattle grazing may severely affect the population of the desert cottontail.[12] Human-induced fires are also a potential threat for desert cottontail populations.[12] Another factor is its competition with the black-tailed jackrabbit (Lepus californicus), because both have the same diet, and share the same habitat.[24] When a season has been particularly dry, there is less plant life to go around. The cottontail does not fear the jackrabbit, in fact the jackrabbit is very skittish and will retreat from a confrontation in most instances. However, the black-tailed jackrabbit is much bigger, and consumes much more food at eating times. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desert_cottontail

Once You Stop Chasing The Wrong Things, The Right Ones Catch You.

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Wood Duck

How does a man show he’s planning for the future?

He buys two cases of Beer instead of one.

Interesting Fact: Wood ducks cavities are typically places where a branch has broken off and the tree’s heartwood has subsequently rotted. Woodpecker cavities are used less frequently. Wood Ducks cannot make their own cavities. The nest tree is normally situated near to or over water, though Wood Ducks will use cavities up to 1.2 miles from water. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Wood_Duck/lifehistory )

 

 

Never Bend Your Head. Always Hold It High. Look The World Straight In The Eye.

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Curve-billed Thrasher

A wife says, “Hey! Look at that funny guy whose been drinking a lot.”

The husband responds, “Who is he?”

The wife answers, “Well, five years ago, he was my boyfriend and I denied him for marriage.”

The husband says, “Oh my God! He’s still celebrating his freedom!”

Interesting Fact: The Curve-billed Thrasher that lives in the Sonoran Desert of Arizona and northwestern Mexico looks different than the form that lives in the Chihuahuan Desert of Texas and central Mexico, and they may be separate species. The Texas and eastern bird has a lighter breast, more contrasting spots, pale wingbars, and white tail corners. The more western form has a grayer breast with less obvious spots, inconspicuous wingbars, and smaller, more grayish tail corners. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Curve-billed_Thrasher/lifehistory )

TAIL Me What You Think?

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Great-tailed Grackle

Why did Frosty the snowman want a divorce?

Because he thought his wife was a flake

Interesting Fact: In winter, enormous flocks of both male and female Great-tailed Grackles gather in “roost trees.” These winter roosts can contain thousands of individuals, with flocks of up to half a million occurring in sugarcane fields in Texas’s Rio Grande Valley. (  https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Great-tailed_Grackle/overview  )

Easter Is The Only Time Of The Year When It’s Perfectly Safe To Put All Your Eggs In One Basket.

Happy Easter Everyone! 

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Desert Cottontail Rabbit

What did the Easter Egg say to the boiling water?

It’s going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!

Interesting Fact:  Many desert animals prey on cottontails, including birds of prey, mustelids, the coyote, the bobcat, the lynx, wolves, mountain lions, snakes, weasels, humans, and even squirrels, should a cottontail be injured or docile from illness.[22] Alien species, such as cats and dogs, are also known predators, and also pose a threat.[12] Southwestern Native Americans hunted them for meat but also used their fur and hides. It is also considered a game species, due to which it is hunted for sport.[12] The desert cottontail’s normal behavior upon spotting a potential predator is to freeze in place in an attempt to avoid being detected. If it determines that it is in danger, it will flee the area by hopping away in a zigzag pattern.[23] Cottontails can reach speeds of over 30 km/h (19 mph). When defending itself against small predators or other desert cottontails, it will nudge with its nose, or slap with its front paws, usually preceded by a hop straight upwards as high as two feet when threatened or taken by surprise. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desert_cottontail )

Water Chicken!

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American Coot

“Babe is it in?”

“Yea.” “Does it hurt?”

“Uh huh.”

“Let me put it in slowly.”

“It still hurts.”

“Okay, let’s try another shoe size.”

Interesting Fact: A slow and meticulous forager, the American Coot plucks at plants while walking, swimming, dabbling with its head just underwater, or in full dives. In flight coots are clumsy and labored (though less so than Common Moorhens). To get airborne, coots typically have to beat their wings while running across the water for many yards. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/American_Coot/lifehistory# )

Don’t Be A Creep!

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Brown Creeper

Past, present and future walk into a bar.

It was tense!

Interesting Fact: The Brown Creeper spends most of its time spiraling up tree trunks in search of insects. It holds its short legs on either side of its body, with the long, curved claws hooking into the bark, and braces itself with its long, stiff tail. Both feet hop at the same time, making the bird’s head duck after each hop. Because of its specialized anatomy, the Brown Creeper rarely climbs downward: once high in a tree, it flies down to begin a new ascent at the base of a nearby tree. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Brown_Creeper/lifehistory )

He Is On My Tail!

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Wood Duck

What do you call an old snowman?

Water!

Interesting Fact: Breeding pairs search for nest cavities during early morning. The male stands outside as the female enters and examines the site. They typically choose a tree more than 1 foot and often 2 feet in diameter, with a cavity anywhere from 2–60 feet high (higher sites seem to be preferred). ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Wood_Duck/lifehistory

 

 

Work, Really? Agian? Didn’t I Just Do That Yesturday?!

F/9.0, 1/320, ISO 160.

Sandhill Crane

What do Snowmen call their offspring?

Chill-dren.

Interesting Fact: Sandhill Cranes mate for life, choosing their partners based on dancing displays. Displaying birds stretch their wings, pump their heads, bow, and leap into the air.  ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Sandhill_Crane/lifehistory )