Here I Sit Broken Hearted Tried To Poop But Only Farted

F/9.0, 1/320, ISO 500.

Yellow-Rumped Warbler

Why did Bob throw the clock out of the window?

Because he wanted to see time fly!

Interesting Fact: Yellow-rumped Warblers flit through the canopies of coniferous trees as they forage. They cling to the bark surface to look for hidden insects more than many warblers do, but they also frequently sit on exposed branches and catch passing insects like a flycatcher does. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Yellow-rumped_Warbler/lifehistory )

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Goodmooning!

F/7.1, 1/200, ISO 640.

Garden Gnome

One time a man was driving on the road when he got stopped by a gnome with red clothes.

The gnome said” I’m a red gnome and I want a strawberry”. The man gave him a strawberry and went on his business.

Later he got stopped by a gnome with yellow clothes.

The gnome said:” I’m a yellow gnome and I want a banana”. The man, slightly annoyed, gave him a banana and continued to drive.

He then got stopped by a gnome with blue clothes.

The man, now pissed, said to him:” Let me guess, you’re a blue gnome and you want a blueberry”

The blue gnome then said:” sir, please step out of the car”

Interesting Fact: In ancient Rome, small stone statues depicting the Greco-Roman fertility god Priapus, also the protector of floors, were frequently placed in Roman gardens.[1][2][3] Gnomes as magical creatures were first described during the Renaissance period by Swiss alchemist Paracelsus as “diminutive figures two spans in height who did not like to mix with humans”.[4] During this period, stone “grotesques“, which were typically garishly painted, 1-metre-tall (3.3 ft) figurines, were commonly placed in the gardens of the wealthy.[5] Among the figures depicted were gobbi (Italian for hunchbacks). In particular, Jacques Callot produced 21 versions of gobbi, which he engraved and printed in 1616.  ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garden_gnome#History )

I Was Redhead Before It Was Cool!

F/10.0, 1/400, ISO 640.

Northern Cardinal ( Male ) 

Why did Captain Kirk go in to the ladies room? 

Because he wanted to go where no man had gone before.

Interesting Fact:  The Cardinal nest typically takes 3 to 9 days to build; the finished product is 2-3 inches tall, 4 inches across, with an inner diameter of about 3 inches. Cardinals usually don’t use their nests more than once. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Northern_Cardinal/lifehistory )

I Been Feeling Puffy Lately!

F/9.0, 1/320, ISO 200.

Killdeer

What do you call a belt with a watch on it?

A waist of time.

Interesting Fact: Killdeer nests are simple scrapes often placed on slight rises in their open habitats. Killdeer may make several scrapes not far away from each other before choosing one to lay in. The duplication may help to confuse predators. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Killdeer/lifehistory )

Water Chicken!

F/9.0, 1/320, ISO 320.

American Coot

“Babe is it in?”

“Yea.” “Does it hurt?”

“Uh huh.”

“Let me put it in slowly.”

“It still hurts.”

“Okay, let’s try another shoe size.”

Interesting Fact: A slow and meticulous forager, the American Coot plucks at plants while walking, swimming, dabbling with its head just underwater, or in full dives. In flight coots are clumsy and labored (though less so than Common Moorhens). To get airborne, coots typically have to beat their wings while running across the water for many yards. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/American_Coot/lifehistory# )

Which Way Do We Go?

F/9.0, 1/320, ISO 320.

Ruddy Ducks

Where do sheep go to get haircuts?

To the Baa Baa shop!

Interesting Fact: Ruddy Ducks spend the vast majority of their time on the water. They are fast fliers but have little maneuverability in the air, and they tend to swim and dive rather than fly to escape predators—which include Red-tailed Hawks, Great Horned Owls, mink, raccoons, and red foxes.  ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Ruddy_Duck/lifehistory )

The Time You Enjoy Wasting Is Not Wasted Time!

F/7.1, 1/200, ISO 320.

Palm Warbler

What’s red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

Interesting Fact: Though the Palm Warbler’s name might imply it is a tropical bird, it’s actually one of the northernmost breeding of all warblers (only the Blackpoll Warbler breeds farther north). They got their name from J. P. Gmelin who named them based on a specimen collected on Hispaniola, a Caribbean island with a lot of palm trees. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Palm_Warbler )

If You Dare Come A Little Closer!

F/8.0, 1/1000, ISO 200.

Black-crowned Night-Heron

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

“You’re too young to smoke.”

 Interesting Fact: Some populations stay in one place year-round, while others disperse short distances of 5–60 miles. Others migrate farther, such as from Massachusetts to Florida and the Caribbean, or from Alberta to Mexico and Cuba. Migrants follow the coast or the Mississippi River flyway. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Black-crowned_Night-Heron/lifehistory )

Keep Calm And Quack On!

F/9.0, 1/320, ISO 200.

Red-breasted Merganser  

A motorist in a B.M.W. was driving through the countryside on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, having a lovely time, when he came to an area of the road that was covered with a rather large puddle of water from a previous rain storm. Worried that he was going to damage the car and its engine in the deep water, he spotted a nearby farmer and asked how deep the water was. “Arr”, said the local farmer “That water only be a few inches deep!” Relieved, the motorist edged his car into the water, expecting to come out the other side in no time. Instead, as he drove in, the water came right up the side of the car, and the engine sputtered to a halt. Sitting there in his soaking wet luxury car, the motorist yelled at the local angrily: “I thought you said this water was only a few inches deep!!!” “Well,” replied the local farmer “It only come up to the waist of them there ducks!”

Interesting Fact: It prefers salt water more than the other two species of merganser. ( http://identify.whatbird.com/obj/115/overview/Red-breasted_Merganser.aspx )

Even Though You’re Fed Up. You Gotta Keep Your Head Up.

F/10.0, 1/400, ISO 250.

Double-crested Cormorant 

What do you call someone without a nose or a body?

Nobodynose.

Interesting Fact: Both Double-crested Cormorant mates work on the nest, with the male bringing most of the material and the female doing the building. The nest is mostly made of finger-size sticks, with some seaweed and flotsam, and lined with grass. Nests are 1.5 to 3 feet in diameter and 4 to 17 inches high; ground nests tend to be wider than tree nests, but tree nests have deeper interiors. Breeding cormorants readily steal nesting materials from a nearby nest that’s not guarded. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Double-crested_Cormorant/lifehistory )