When Fears Are Grounded Dreams Take Flight

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Ruby-throated Hummingbird

Where do you learn how to make ice cream?

Sundae School

Interesting Fact: The Ruby-throated Hummingbird beats its wings about 53 times a second. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Ruby-throated_Hummingbird  )

Let Me Give You The Skinney

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Dragonfly

What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?

An animal that talks your head off.

Interesting Fact: Old and unreliable claims are made that dragonflies such as the southern giant darner can fly up to 60 miles per hour (97 km/h).[50] However, the greatest reliable flight speed records are for other types of insects.[51] In general, large dragonflies like the hawkers have a maximum speed of 10–15 metres per second (22–34 mph) with average cruising speed of about 4.5 metres per second (10 mph).[52] Dragonflies can fly at 100 body-lengths per second, and three lengths per second backwards. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dragonfly#Flight )

I Can See Your Butt Quack!

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Northern Pintail 

Why are celebrities so cool?

They have a lot of fans.

Interesting Fact: Northern Pintails migrate at night at speeds around 48 miles per hour. The longest nonstop flight recorded for a Northern Pintail was 1,800 miles. ( Northern Pintail Overview, All About Birds, Cornell Lab of Ornithology )

 

 

I Belong In The Air

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Bald Eagle

Did you hear the joke about the roof?

Never mind, it’s over your head!

Interesting Fact: The Bald Eagle has been the national emblem of the United States since 1782 and a spiritual symbol for native people for far longer than that. These regal birds aren’t really bald, but their white-feathered heads gleam in contrast to their chocolate-brown body and wings. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Bald_Eagle )

Flap Your Wings Like You Mean It.

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Bufflehead Duck ( Male )

What do you call a belt with a clock on it?

A waist of time.

Interesting Fact: To dive, Bufflehead compress their plumage to squeeze out air, then give a slight forward leap and plunge powerfully downward. They hold their wings tightly against their bodies underwater and use only their feet to propel themselves. ( Bufflehead Life History, All About Birds, Cornell Lab of Ornithology )

I Can Walk On Water!

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Ring-billed Gull

Two Police officers are talking:

A naked women robbed a bank.

Nobody could remember her face.

Interesting Fact: Ring-billed Gulls near Tampa Bay, Florida, became accustomed to feasting on garbage at an open landfill site. Then, in 1983, operators replaced the dumping grounds with closed incinerators. The thwarted scavengers found themselves another open dump, but the pattern continues all across the gull’s range. When waste-management practices shift from open landfills to closed incinerators, gull numbers often drop. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Ring-billed_Gull/lifehistory )

Like I Give A Duck!

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Ruddy Duck 

Why do bees have sticky hair?

They use honey-combs.

Interesting Fact: Though Ruddy Ducks are native to the Americas, one population became established in England after captive ducks escaped in 1952. This population grew to about 3,500 individuals by 1992, and now appears to be expanding into the Netherlands, France, Belgium, and Spain. ( Ruddy Duck Overview, All About Birds, Cornell Lab of Ornithology )

I’m So High!

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Red-tailed Hawk

One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen.

“What’s wrong, dearest?” asked the confused husband.

“Oh darling,” sobbed the wife,

“I was cleaning little Jen’s room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very erotic porn magazine! What ever are we going to do?”

“Well,” replied the man, “I guess a spanking is out of the question?”

Interesting Fact: The oldest known wild Red-tailed Hawk was at least 30 years, 8 months old when it was found in Michigan in 2011, the same state where it had been banded in 1981. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Red-tailed_Hawk/overview )

Together We Fly!

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Mallard

As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field.

But hay, it’s in my jeans.

Interesting Fact: Mallards, like other ducks, shed all their flight feathers at the end of the breeding season and are flightless for 3–4 weeks. They are secretive during this vulnerable time, and their body feathers molt into a concealing “eclipse” plumage that can make them hard to identify. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Mallard )

I’m So Fly!

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Northern Harrier

A camel meets an elephant.

The elephant asks jokingly: “Why do you have two breasts on your back?”

The camel replies: “With a face like yours, I’d just shut up.”

Interesting Fact: Northern Harriers are the most owl-like of hawks (though they’re not related to owls). They rely on hearing as well as vision to capture prey. The disk-shaped face looks and functions much like an owl’s, with stiff facial feathers helping to direct sound to the ears. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Northern_Harrier