The Key To Eating Healthy Is To Avoid Any Food That Has TV Commercial.

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Golden Eagle

What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant?

Swimming trunks.

Interesting Fact: Although capable of killing large prey such as cranes, wild ungulates, and domestic livestock, the Golden Eagle subsists primarily on rabbits, hares, ground squirrels, and prairie dogs. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Golden_Eagle/overview )

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Eat Like No One Is Watching You!

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Red-breasted Merganser  

Why do bananas use sunscreen?

Because they peel.

Interesting Fact: The red-breasted merganser (Mergus serrator) is a diving duck, one of the sawbills. The genus name is a Latin word used by Pliny and other Roman authors to refer to an unspecified waterbird, and serrator is a sawyer from Latin serra, “saw”.  ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red-breasted_merganser#Behaviour )

Don’t Stick Your Nose Where It Doesn’t Belong

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Northern Pintail Duck

Father and son are talking over dinner in a nice restaurant.  A boy asks his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?”

“That’s disgusting. Don’t talk about things like that over dinner,” the dad replies.

After dinner the father asks, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?”

“Oh, nothing,” the boy says. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”

Interesting Fact: Northern Pintails migrate at night at speeds around 48 miles per hour. The longest nonstop flight recorded for a Northern Pintail was 1,800 miles. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Northern_Pintail/ ) 

It’s My Honey, And I Want It Now!

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Bumble Bee

What do you call a bee born in May?

A maybe!

Interesting Fact: Unlike the honeybee, bumblebees will not die after stinging. They can sting as much as they want. Luckily, they are not aggressive and they will sting only in self defense. ( http://www.softschools.com/facts/animals/bumblebee_facts/582/ )

You Are What You Eat! …Nuts

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Eastern Gray Squirrel

Why don’t squirrels wear skinny jeans?

Because their nuts won’t fit.

Interesting Fact: Eastern gray squirrels have an excellent sense of smell, which they use to help locate food that they’ve hidden away. They can also pick up information about their fellow squirrels by smelling them.  ( http://kids.nationalgeographic.com/animals/eastern-gray-squirrel )

 

I’m On A Seafood Diet. I See Food, I Eat It. ( Snake Eater )

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Red-tailed Hawk

What did one elevator say to the other elevator?

I think I’m coming down with something!

Interesting Fact: Mammals make up the bulk of most Red-tailed Hawk meals. Frequent victims include voles, mice, wood rats, rabbits, snowshoe hares, jackrabbits, and ground squirrels. The hawks also eat birds, including pheasants, bobwhite, starlings, and blackbirds; as well as snakes and carrion. Individual prey items can weigh anywhere from less than an ounce to more than 5 pounds. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Red-tailed_Hawk/lifehistory  )

It Seems To Me The Vultures Have Stopped Circling.

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Turkey Vultures

What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?

Guardians of the Galaxy.

The Turkey Vulture’s distinctive slow, teetering flight style probably helps the bird soar at low altitudes, where it is best able to use its nose to find carrion. At other times they may soar high on thermals and form mixed flocks or kettles. On the ground they move with ungainly hops and are less agile than Black Vultures. Often, especially in the morning, they can be seen standing erect, wings spread in the sun, presumably to warm up, cool off, or dry off. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Turkey_Vulture/lifehistory )

I Will Eat This!

sanderling-eating

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Sanderling

Bobby: “I am on my sea food diet right now”

Joey:  “How does it work?”

Bobby: “Whenever I see food I eat it!”

Interesting Fact: Long-distance migrant. Some Sanderlings travel as few as 1,800 miles to coastal New England, while others fly more than 6,000 miles to temperate South America. Even individuals that winter on the same beach can take different migration routes and may end up on different breeding grounds. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Sanderling/lifehistory )

I’m Walking Here!

Common Grackle 2

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Common Grackle 

How do men exercise at the beach?

By sucking in their stomach every time they see a girl in a bikini.

Interesting Fact: Common Grackles are resourceful foragers. They sometimes follow plows to catch invertebrates and mice, wade into water to catch small fish, pick leeches off the legs of turtles, steal worms from American Robins, raid nests, and kill and eat adult birds. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Common_Grackle/lifehistory )

Have You Tried Deez Nuts!

Squirrel

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Squirrel

Why do squirrels swim on their back?

To keep their nuts dry!

Interesting Fact: Squirrels tend to run in erratic paths. This is intended to deceive potential predators as to its chosen direction so that it may escape. ( http://www.onekind.org/education/animals_a_z/squirrel )