The Key To Eating Healthy Is To Avoid Any Food That Has TV Commercial.

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Golden Eagle

What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant?

Swimming trunks.

Interesting Fact: Although capable of killing large prey such as cranes, wild ungulates, and domestic livestock, the Golden Eagle subsists primarily on rabbits, hares, ground squirrels, and prairie dogs. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Golden_Eagle/overview )

Eat Like No One Is Watching You!

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Red-breasted Merganser  

Why do bananas use sunscreen?

Because they peel.

Interesting Fact: The red-breasted merganser (Mergus serrator) is a diving duck, one of the sawbills. The genus name is a Latin word used by Pliny and other Roman authors to refer to an unspecified waterbird, and serrator is a sawyer from Latin serra, “saw”.  ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red-breasted_merganser#Behaviour )

Don’t Stick Your Nose Where It Doesn’t Belong

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Northern Pintail Duck

Father and son are talking over dinner in a nice restaurant.  A boy asks his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?”

“That’s disgusting. Don’t talk about things like that over dinner,” the dad replies.

After dinner the father asks, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?”

“Oh, nothing,” the boy says. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”

Interesting Fact: Northern Pintails migrate at night at speeds around 48 miles per hour. The longest nonstop flight recorded for a Northern Pintail was 1,800 miles. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Northern_Pintail/

I Will Eat This!

sanderling-eating

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Sanderling

Bobby: “I am on my sea food diet right now”

Joey:  “How does it work?”

Bobby: “Whenever I see food I eat it!”

Interesting Fact: Long-distance migrant. Some Sanderlings travel as few as 1,800 miles to coastal New England, while others fly more than 6,000 miles to temperate South America. Even individuals that winter on the same beach can take different migration routes and may end up on different breeding grounds. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Sanderling/lifehistory )

Keep Off My Grass!

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Northern Mockingbird vs American Robin

Why should you keep away from dermatologists?

They make rash decisions.

Interesting Fact: Mockingbirds are also territorial around other bird species as well as dogs and cats. The flight style of mockingbirds is variable but typically leisurely, with showy wingbeats. Sometimes Northern Mockingbirds simply drop quickly from a perch with their wings folded. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Northern_Mockingbird/lifehistory# )

 

 

 

 

You Are What You Eat! …Nuts

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Eastern Gray Squirrel

Why don’t squirrels wear skinny jeans?

Because their nuts won’t fit.

Interesting Fact: Eastern gray squirrels have an excellent sense of smell, which they use to help locate food that they’ve hidden away. They can also pick up information about their fellow squirrels by smelling them.  ( http://kids.nationalgeographic.com/animals/eastern-gray-squirrel )

 

Hey Autocorrect! Quit Tampering With My Curse Words, You Mother Forklift!

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Bananaquit

Why did the fly fall off the toilet?

It got pissed off.

Interesting Fact: The bananaquit is known for its ability to adjust remarkably to human environments. It often visits gardens and may become very tame. Its nickname, the sugar bird, comes from its affinity for bowls or bird feeders stocked with granular sugar, a common method of attracting these birds.[19] The bananaquit builds a spherical lined nest with a side entrance hole, laying up to three eggs, which are incubated solely by the female.[4] It may also build its nest in human-made objects, such as lampshades and garden trellises. The birds breed all year regardless of season and build new nests throughout the year. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bananaquit )

 

 

It Seems To Me The Vultures Have Stopped Circling.

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Turkey Vultures

What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?

Guardians of the Galaxy.

The Turkey Vulture’s distinctive slow, teetering flight style probably helps the bird soar at low altitudes, where it is best able to use its nose to find carrion. At other times they may soar high on thermals and form mixed flocks or kettles. On the ground they move with ungainly hops and are less agile than Black Vultures. Often, especially in the morning, they can be seen standing erect, wings spread in the sun, presumably to warm up, cool off, or dry off. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Turkey_Vulture/lifehistory )

Hush, little baby, don’t say a word, Mama’s gonna buy you a mockingbird

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Northern Mockingbird

Why shouldn’t you fart in an Apple Store?

They don’t have Windows.

Interesting Fact: Northern mockingbirds tend to imitate other birds and sounds they hear.  This bird is very territorial and will not hesitate to attack intruders.  ( https://americanexpedition.us/northern-mockingbird-facts-photos-and-information )

A Little Mud Never Hurt Anyone!

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Northern Pintail Ducks

What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue?

We have to stick together.

Interesting Fact: Males and females also lift their chins to greet each other and sometimes tip their chins when threatened. Pairs form on the wintering grounds, but males often mate with other females on the breeding grounds, and pairs only stay together for a single breeding season. Courting males stretch their necks up and tip their bills down while giving a whistle call. Males also preen behind their wing to expose the green speculum. Interested females follow males with head bobbing, preening, and clucking. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Northern_Pintail/lifehistory )