Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco?
He pulled a muscle
Interesting Fact: The Common Loon swims underwater to catch fish, propelling itself with its feet. It swallows most of its prey underwater. The loon has sharp, rearward-pointing projections on the roof of its mouth and tongue that help it keep a firm hold on slippery fish. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Common_Loon/lifehistory )
Interesting Fact: Snow Goose hunting in the eastern United States was stopped in 1916 because of low population levels. Hunting was allowed again in 1975 after populations had recovered. Since then, their populations have continued to grow, to the point that some areas of tundra nesting habitat are starting to suffer. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Snow_Goose/lifehistory )
Interesting Fact: The Blue Jay frequently mimics the calls of hawks, especially the Red-shouldered Hawk. These calls may provide information to other jays that a hawk is around, or may be used to deceive other species into believing a hawk is present. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Blue_Jay/lifehistory )
I went to the zoo today and asked if they had any talking parrots.
The zookeeper said they didn’t, but they had a woodpecker that knew morse code.
Interesting Fact: You may occasionally see a Red-bellied Woodpecker flying quickly and erratically through the forest, abruptly changing direction, alighting for an instant and immediately taking off again, keeping up a quick chatter of calls. Scientists categorize this odd behavior as a type of play that probably helps young birds practice the evasive action they may one day need. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Red-bellied_Woodpecker/lifehistory )
Two vultures were in the desert eating a dead clown. The first vulture asks the second vulture: “Does this taste funny to you?”
Interesting Fact: Turkey Vultures have an excellent sense of smell, but Black Vultures aren’t nearly as accomplished sniffers. To find food they soar high in the sky and keep an eye on the lower-soaring Turkey Vultures. When a Turkey Vulture’s nose detects the delicious aroma of decaying flesh and descends on a carcass, the Black Vulture follows close behind. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Black_Vulture/lifehistory )
Two surfers are at getting ready to paddle out: Surfer one: “Hey, guess what! I got a new longboard for my wife!” Surfer two: “Great trade!”
Interesting Fact: For centuries, surfing was a central part of ancient Polynesian culture. Surfing may have first been observed by Europeans at Tahiti in 1767 by Samuel Wallis and the crew members of the Dolphin who were the first Europeans to visit the island in June of that year. Another candidate is the botanist Joseph Banks being part of the first voyage of James Cook on the HMS Endeavour, who arrived on Tahiti on 10 April 1769. Lieutenant James King was the first person to write about the art of surfing on Hawaii when he was completing the journals of Captain James Cook upon Cook’s death in 1779. ( https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surfing )
So there is this parrot and he knows a bunch of swear words and the owner says , “If you don’t stop swearing I’m going to sick you in the freezer.” So the parrot starts swearing and the guy puts him in the freezer. The parrot continues cussing up a storm but after a few minutes the parrot suddenly stops. The guy says “Will you stop swearing now?” and the parrot says “I’ll stop, but first I want to know what the chicken did.”
Interesting Fact: In winter in many southern parts of the range, female and male American Kestrels use different habitats. Females use the typical open habitat, and males use areas with more trees. This situation appears to be the result of the females migrating south first and establishing winter territories, leaving males to the more wooded areas. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/American_Kestrel/lifehistory )
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a goose walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the goose’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!”
“Not really,” said the goose. “Your name is written inside the cover.”
Women: Why does your daughter say “cluck, cluck, cluck?”
Father: Because she thinks she’s a chicken .
Women: Why don’t you tell her that she’s not a chicken?
Father: Because we need the eggs.
Interesting Fact: The White-breasted Nuthatch is normally territorial throughout the year, with pairs staying together. The male has to spend more time looking out for predators when he’s alone than while he’s with his mate. That’s the pattern for most birds, and one reason why birds spend so much time in flocks. But the female nuthatch has to put up with the male pushing her aside from foraging sites, so she spends more time looking around (for him) when he’s around than when she is alone. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/White-breasted_Nuthatch/lifehistory )
A duck walks into a bar and says to the bar tender “I’ll have a beer”.
The bartender says “Hey! where did you come from?”
The duck says “I’m working the construction site across the street”.
And the bartender says, “Well why are you working construction when you could be making millions in the circus?”
And the duck said “What would the circus want with a brick laying duck?”
Interesting Fact: You may see gulls trailing flocks of foraging Common Mergansers. They wait for the ducks to come to the surface and then try to steal their prey rather than fishing on their own. Occasionally even a Bald Eagle will try to steal a fish from a merganser. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Common_Merganser/lifehistory )