Sometimes I Get Road Rage From Standing In Lines.

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Semipalmated Sandpipers

Why do ghosts ride in elevators?

It keeps their spirits up.

Interesting Fact: Semipalmated Sandpiper: Breeds in lower Arctic regions from western Alaska to Labrador. Migrates through central North America to the Atlantic coast to reach its wintering grounds, which extend from the extreme southern U.S. to the Caribbean Islands and South America. Preferred habitats include shorelines and mudflats. ( http://identify.whatbird.com/obj/427/overview/Semipalmated_Sandpiper.aspx )

 

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I May Look Like I’m Having Deep Thoughts, But Really I Need To Fart.

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Semipalmated Sandpiper

Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water?

Because if they fell forwards they’d still be in the boat.

Interesting Fact:  Semipalmated Sandpipers from eastern populations probably undertake nonstop transoceanic flights of 3,000 – 4,000 km (1,900 – 2,500 mi) from New England and southern Canada to South America, powered by extensive fat reserves. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Semipalmated_Sandpiper/lifehistory )

 

Gone Fishing!

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Osprey

What did the fish say when he posted bail?

“I’m off the hook!”

Interesting Fact:  The Osprey is the only hawk on the continent that eats almost exclusively live fish. In North America, more than 80 species of live fresh- and saltwater fish account for 99 percent of the Osprey’s diet. Captured fish usually measure about 6–13 inches in length and weigh one-third to two-thirds of a pound. The largest catch on record weighed about 2.5 pounds.  (  https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Osprey/lifehistory )

Keep Calm And Quack On!

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Red-breasted Merganser  

A motorist in a B.M.W. was driving through the countryside on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, having a lovely time, when he came to an area of the road that was covered with a rather large puddle of water from a previous rain storm. Worried that he was going to damage the car and its engine in the deep water, he spotted a nearby farmer and asked how deep the water was. “Arr”, said the local farmer “That water only be a few inches deep!” Relieved, the motorist edged his car into the water, expecting to come out the other side in no time. Instead, as he drove in, the water came right up the side of the car, and the engine sputtered to a halt. Sitting there in his soaking wet luxury car, the motorist yelled at the local angrily: “I thought you said this water was only a few inches deep!!!” “Well,” replied the local farmer “It only come up to the waist of them there ducks!”

Interesting Fact: It prefers salt water more than the other two species of merganser. ( http://identify.whatbird.com/obj/115/overview/Red-breasted_Merganser.aspx )

Why You All Up In My Business!

osprey

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Osprey

What does the man in the moon do when his hair gets too long?

Eclipse it!

Interesting Fact: Ospreys hunt by diving to the water’s surface from some 30 to 100 feet (9 to 30 meters) up. They have gripping pads on their feet to help them pluck fish from the water with their curved claws and carry them for great distances. In flight, ospreys will orient the fish headfirst to ease wind resistance. ( https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/birds/o/osprey/ )

Gonzo Would Be Jealous!

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Whimbrel

What Do You Call a Beach that Keeps Losing Sand?

A Shore Loser.

Interesting Fact: In many regions, the primary winter food of the Whimbrel is crab. The curve of the Whimbrel’s bill nicely matches the shape of fiddler crab burrows. The bird reaches into the crab’s burrow, extracts the crab, washes it if it is muddy, and sometimes breaks off the claws and legs before swallowing it. Indigestible parts are excreted in fecal pellets.  ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Whimbrel/lifehistory )

 

Walk Like You Talk!

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Black-bellied Plover ( Juvenile )

I went to a seafood disco last week… and pulled a mussel.

Interesting Fact: Wary and quick to give alarm calls, the Black-bellied Plover functions worldwide as a sentinel for mixed groups of shorebirds. These qualities allowed it to resist market hunters, and it remained common when populations of other species of similar size were devastated. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Black-bellied_Plover/overview )

I Swear, I Am One Cocktail Away From Telling Everyone What I Really Think!

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Least Sandpiper

A Sandwich walks into a bar.

The bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve food here”

Interesting Fact: Researchers studying Least Sandpipers discovered a new feeding mechanism. While probing damp mud with their bills, the sandpipers use the surface tension of the water to transport prey quickly from their bill tips to their mouths. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Least_Sandpiper/ )

Being Small Works For Me!

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Least Sandpiper

Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?

Because he was stuffed.

Interesting Fact: The Least Sandpiper is the smallest shorebird in the world, weighing in at about 1 ounce and measuring 5-6 inches long. Males are slightly smaller than females. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Least_Sandpiper )

We Are Looking At You!

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Semipalmated Sandpipers

What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers?

The Telephone.

Interesting Fact: The oldest recorded Semipalmated Sandpiper was at least 14 years, 2 months old when it was recaptured and rereleased during banding operations in New Brunswick. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Semipalmated_Sandpiper/overview )