Which Way Did He Go, George? Which Way Did He Go?

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European Starlings

What’s a good snowing tip?

Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

Interesting Fact: All the European Starlings in North America descended from 100 birds set loose in New York’s Central Park in the early 1890s. The birds were intentionally released by a group who wanted America to have all the birds that Shakespeare ever mentioned. It took several tries, but eventually the population took off. Today, more than 200 million European Starlings range from Alaska to Mexico, and many people consider them pests.  ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/European_Starling/lifehistory )

 

 

 

Fly Above The Negativity!

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Great Blue Heron 

Why was Frosty told to leave the grocery store?

Because he was caught picking his nose in the produce isle.

Interesting Fact: Despite their impressive size, Great Blue Herons weigh only 5 to 6 pounds thanks in part to their hollow bones—a feature all birds share.  ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Great_Blue_Heron/overview )

 

Time Is Just Flying By

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Northern Pintail Duck 

A man walks into an army surplus store and asks if they have any camouflage jackets.

“Yes, we do,” replies the assistant. “But we can’t find any of them.”

Interesting Fact: The female makes several scrapes in the ground before she starts building the nest, ultimately choosing the last scrape made. She slowly adds grasses and down to the depression while laying eggs to form a shallow bowl approximately 7–10 inches wide and 2–4 inches deep. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Northern_Pintail/lifehistory )

 

 

 

Looking For Food In All The Wrong Places

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Northern Cardinal

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate,” Bring me my red shirt! “The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever bellowed, ” Bring me my red shirt!” And once again the battle was on. However, the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day’s occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked,’ Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle? “The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted,’ If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid.’ The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed,” Bring me my brown pants!”

Interesting Fact: Look for Northern Cardinals in dense shrubby areas such as forest edges, overgrown fields, hedgerows, backyards, marshy thickets, mesquite, regrowing forest, and ornamental landscaping. Cardinals nest in dense foliage and look for conspicuous, fairly high perches for singing. Growth of towns and suburbs across eastern North America has helped the cardinal expand its range northward. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Northern_Cardinal/lifehistory )

Life Is Only A Reflection Of What We Allow Ourselves To See

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Mallard

A duck waddles into a card shop, he waddles his way to the front desk asking the clerk, Do you got any tape?

The clerk replies, No. So the duck waddles away. The very next day at the same time the same duck waddles into the Card Shop he waddles right up to that same clerk asking him, Do you have any tape?

The clerk looking irritated replying in a stern voice, No! We are a card shop we sell cards not tape! And if you ask me again I will nail your bill to the counter!

So the duck just waddles away. At the same time the next day the Duck is waddling into that same card shop He waddles right up to that same clerk asking him, do you have any nails? The clerk says, no. Then the duck replied good!! So do you have any tape?

Interesting Fact: Mallard pairs form long before the spring breeding season. Pairing takes place in the fall, but courtship can be seen all winter. Only the female incubates the eggs and takes care of the ducklings. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Mallard/lifehistory )

They Call Us The Brown Bombers!

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Canvasback

How does NASA organize a birthday party?

They planet!

Interesting Fact: Canvasbacks are diving ducks at home in the water, seldom going ashore to dry land. They sleep on the water with their bill tucked under the wing, and they nest on floating mats of vegetation. To get airborne Canvasbacks need a running start, but once in the air they are strong and fast fliers, clocking airspeeds of up to 56 miles per hour. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Canvasback/lifehistory )

 

 

Don’t Play Dead With A Vulture. That’s Exactly What They Want.

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Turkey Vulture

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.

When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. “Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?” she asked.

“No, thanks,” replied the vultures. “They’re carrion.”

Interesting Fact: Turkey Vultures, like other carrion birds, are protected from disease associated with decaying animals by a very sophisticated immune system. ( http://identify.whatbird.com/mwg/_/0/identify.whatbird.com/obj/117/overview/Turkey_Vulture.aspx )

Keep On Duckin!

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Hooded Mergansers

How do you get a frog off the back window of your car?

Use the rear defrogger.

Interesting Fact: Hooded Mergansers are usually in pairs or small groups of up to 40 birds. They court in groups of one or more females and several males. The males raise their crests, expanding the white patch, often while shaking their heads. Their most elaborate display is head-throwing, in which they jerk their heads backwards to touch their backs, with crests raised, while giving a froglike croak. Females court by bobbing their heads and giving a hoarse gack.  ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Hooded_Merganser/lifehistory )

Well…This Is Hawkward

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Red-tailed Hawk 

Where do animals go when their tails fall off?

The retail store!

Interesting Fact: The Red-tailed Hawk has a thrilling, raspy scream that sounds exactly like a raptor should sound. At least, that’s what Hollywood directors seem to think. Whenever a hawk or eagle appears onscreen, no matter what species, the shrill cry on the soundtrack is almost always a Red-tailed Hawk. ( https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Red-tailed_Hawk/lifehistory )

 

All Good Things Are Wild And Free

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White-Tailed Deer

What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts cost a buck twenty-five. Deer nuts are under a buck!

Interesting Fact: The male white tailed deer, buck, normally weighs about 130-300 pounds. The female, doe, weighs about 90-200 pounds. The average height is 3 feet. ( http://www.brighthub.com/environment/science-environmental/articles/48142.aspx )